A cry for salvation...

I realise while I'm back at home... here in little Seremban,
I did not wake up to the chirping of birds like I used to
instead, to my alarm clock 7.30 am everyday...
an attempt to study for my trials...
but to no avail

for these few days...
I stopped seeing beauty in life
beautiful things doesn't come through...

I'm broken...
pieces of me scattered everywhere...
I've lost them... and I guess trying to find them back will be a fruitless effort...
I have to mould them back myself..
to produce new parts of myself.... and make myself anew

this is by far the most disgraceful and disappointing period of my life...
trials is just a few days away and I have only completed 20% of my studies and now I'm crafting my own coffin...
I'm not gonna die yet mind you, gonna sleep in it a while...
and try to reconnect myself back again...
I have to wake up...
My true mind has been frozen long time ago...
and I was living the days unconsciously...
the minor part of me controlling my body...
hanging to my only essence...
but the mind was never there..

I don't want to linger in this state no longer...
I don't want to grow with this rate...
I want to fly away...
I want more...

I desperately must change...
help...