Lost and Found...

I went to a Lost and Found shop today...
a place which I do not frequent to...
a place I only visit when I really lost something...

as I pushed opened the door.. the rusted bell rang...
an old, frail keeper stood there...
waiting... and smiling at me...
I forced a smile back at him, and walked slowly...
"Ah.. its been ages my boy, what brings you here? " he said cheerfully.
"I... er... lost some stuff sir... and I want them back..."
"Well, of course you lost some important stuff my boy! But do you know what are they? "

I stared blankly at the old man's pale grey eyes... and nothing came out of my mouth...
"of course..." he replied... and he went back into the storage room...
to come back few seconds later... with a chest made of glass....
it was cold...

"So what do you want to know? What have you lost? or what you still have left? or found..."
"lost..."
Without hesitating... he grabbed my hand and gave me a crystal taken from the chest...
I felt pain... lots of pain... and I felt like I got tossed around wildly..
I vanished...

It was white...
all white...
as I entered the ward.. there she lay... with her eyes closed...
but her hands moving weakly..
and her breaths are heavy..
I held her hand...
that warm hand...
and I called out to her...
and she teared...
I thought everything was going to be alright...

it was always on these occasions that I felt that our family are one again...
where we don't argue...
and we all sat quietly in the car.. and prayed...
that everything is going to be alright...

I vanished again...
and it was night time...
I was happy because I was with my best of friends, Christine, 234 and her family...
celebrating her brother's 21st birthday...
we had tremendous fun...
and I thought I was moving on...
and I thought everything will be alright...
but deep down... I still wish you could see me laughing... and smiling back at you..

the next morning, black crows flew by...
and bad news came...
why is it that only when death knocks...
only all family members are reunited...
only our spirits are really one...

I did not dared to look at the faces last time...
when it was both grandpas and greatgrandma...
but I did on you... and you were beautiful...

as I stood at the cemetery...
paying my last respects...
tossing that handful of crystal white sand into your grave...
the old man told me...
"Life is full of surprises eh? my.. my.. especially death... you just never knew when he's coming.."
I looked at him sadly...
and we both vanished..

of flower baths...
haunting incantations...
and burnt joss-sticks...
the smell of death came back to me...

as we bid my once, grandparents house good-bye...
I felt that its empty now...
empty from the noises of grandchildren running and screaming around...
empty from the sound of cooking from the kitchen...
empty from the sound of Mahjong pieces clashing together...
the sound of silence penetrates me...
and dragged me off the ground...

I hope the next time we come by..
it will be filled with laughters and cheers again...

I vanished again...
back into the shop...
the old man was sitting on a rocking chair now...
rocking slowly... looking at me...
"You lost a loved one my boy... although you don't feel it everyday... her love for her children and grandchildren was always there"
"Don't be saddened boy... I know you lost another love too... you haven't lost one's soul yet.. keep having faith...
but you have to give up on that one you see... because that soul does not belong to you...
although you lost both loves... their spirits are still with you..."

I teared again... only to realise... I actually still love you...
I still see you everywhere..
standing on my lawn when I was hanging my clothes..
lying in that ward... eating that awful food... and sending me a message complaining how bad it was...
creeping up to me when I was washing my dishes...
ironing my clothes...
holding me... to another view of Titanic...
kissing my forehead...
and I guess I have binded that love... trapped....
and I have to live with it...
I will not ask you to be mine...
even if we are just friends...
I will be happy for you... happy that you're successful..
happy that you found another ...

"What you still have my boy... is so much to mention... but most importantly...
you still have plenty of loved ones... and they will be here for you no matter what...
what you still have... is your virtues....
treasure them... and learn to love yourself more...
and let that love overflow... and infect others....
and you will overcome all..."

"what you found... well... you found a new side of yourself... you found strength.... and wisdom...
grow.... keep growing my boy... and focus...
this is critical now...
there will be hurricanes soon... and you must overcome it...
release yourself from the horrible past my boy...
and give another angel a chance to save you...
give that angel a chance to love you... and fly with you...
I cannot give you back the things you have lost... they are forever gone dear boy... learn to accept that..."

The old man turned away...
and put on a record...
a familiar composition...
the sound of beautiful piano filled the air...
and the notes danced around me....
it was Chopin...Nocturne Op9. No.2....

and I walked away....

the rusted bell rang again...
and as I took a few steps towards the streets...
a bird flew to me...
and the bird told me that the message is well received...
I kissed the bird...
and another stream of tears flowed down my left cheek...
passing my scar... burning it...
I continued walking...

the sounds of dancing keys fading....

I got my funeral...
but it wasn't the one I wanted...