What I want...

After a very very long time of not running and jogging and exercising properly, I finally ran again….and goodness it was so fulfilling ^^

I ran with 234 and Christine in the small park… or is it a garden…? == Anyway the sky was so blue and the patterns of clouds are mesmerizing… that contrast of baby blue and pure white widens the eyes… and the erected construction site in the middle of nowhere is so… unique… it’s like something modern growing out of a peaceful land… it’s like some scene from a Japanese anime where an innocent child was standing below a humongous building in the traditional feudal land of Nagasaki… (Haha I made that up…I have no Japan names in my mind for now)

After running for a few circles I got tired but I was somehow tremendously happy and high… it’s like I had orgasm but the only difference is I don’t have to clean up right away… ==

Yesterday I read a few pages from the book “The Secret”, where the author advises us to feel positive and attract positive things. Hence, the universe will shift automatically to make what we attract happen… something like that… and I realize, my last post was so negative… and the things I write wouldn’t attract someone angelic to me… maybe I’m making things worse…because one major thing we have to do is to really love oneself and respect our self, in order to let people love you too…

I guess I really lack of that…I guess we shouldn’t wait for someone to fill your heart with love… but we fill it ourself and make that love overflow so that the love can be spreaded to others and is shared… well, that’s one of the parts I remembered…

What I want now… is not that new Dolce and Gabbana 2009 Fall Collection… isn’t a new car or a plane…or a penthouse...lol (but these are all for later years)

What I want now…

What I plan to do… and what I really want…

Is to get that bloody 5A’s

Is to learn how to cook… I wanna try cooking specialties from Cuba and Iran… for personal reasons… and unique delicacies from all around the world…

What I really want now… is to grow up maybe a little bit more faster… and build up a little bit more faster… so that ultimately… I’ll get that angel of mine…

Whether or not I have the chance in the first place…

Maybe these things I will do aren’t relevant at all… and maybe there wouldn’t be any possibility in the future…

But deep inside, I know… at least I tried…

And I want you…

Look me in the eyes...

and give me a chance please? so that we could fill this glass together with roses until it pours out...

so that there's constant flow of Love and Freedom ...

Conclusion = I'm crystal clear of what I want for now...

Another beautiful day...

I woke up again....
by the chirping of birds....
to a fine view of trees... a park... a few metres away from the window...
a park of trees and mysteries....

but I was tired... so I went back to sleep... and this is to me.. one of the blissful things I can experience in my life.... having a nice wonderful sleep... feeling safe.. and without the pressure of going to school... waking up to the sky and sounds of nature...

Now I'm bored...
and I'm feeling weird inside my heart... that cold..shivering feeling... like its really empty... and its shivering... its like yearning for something... and sad, and scared because of uncertainties... and insecurities...
maybe because it lack love...
or it does not have the love it seek...
but it tell itself to wait... but waiting for uncertainties...
that may never happen...

and this feeling is so strong that the eyes teared up...
and the mind is thinking...
why are you crying?
for what reason... is it because you still haven't move on?
no... the heart says... no...
its because there's no one there to hold your hand....
its because the heart and soul knows that... nothing is promised and permanent...
even though the mind wants to believe so...

even though something so seemingly perfect is in front of your eyes..
but that person isn't ready either...
isn't ready to provide me with what I seek...
and maybe this day would never come...

the tears that my eyes are flowing now...
does not seem to have value anymore at one point... because recently I cried too much.. for once in my life...
the first time I cried and feel deeply sad...
not the feeling of crying so hard to ask your mom stop beating you...
I cried so hard begging the feeling to go away...
I cry so hard wishing someone might see my sad face...
and hold me.... and fill my eyes with light again...
fill my heart with endless love again...
make me whole again... help me pick up my shattered pieces.. and help me mend them back...

but I guess maybe this is too much for someone..
no one has that kind of time for me... nor to anyone else...
not many would pick up broken parts and make them perfect and whole again..
foolish to think so...
these thoughts make me weak...
why couldn't I pick up the pieces myself... and fill myself with my own love?....

maybe because...
its not possible for now...
I want someone in my life...
that special person to do that for me...
to fill that glass with roses... until it pours out...so there's freedom and love at the same time...

don't want to consume chocolates to hide my sorrows anymore...
don't wanna drink wine to replace the pain...
pure love should be the resolution...
but how long more?...

I'm cold....

Another day with Tine Tine and Alexander...

so erm.. where were we?

oh!
okok..

a few days after that.. or was it weeks..
time just passed.. because we were all busy with exams and studies...
as my gang and I passed by the halls... and canteens....
towards our lecture halls... I started to notice something different...
something that was non-existent but now a present thing in my eyes...
2...
thin legs....
and the weird looking face!
==

Me: there! (pointing at the anime guy) that was the guy who asked for Christine's number!
How come nowadays keep bumping into him.....
God:(not the real one... he's a friend and he has that name because he's so good in his studies... he's godlike) yea lo! maybe he' s following Christine....
Me: cannot be la.. comon.. where can be that serious... I so pretty also no one follow...
God: =.=|||||
Me: :D

after a few days again.. we kept bumping into him....
and we know something is definitely wrong...

another few days again..
(at my condo)
Christine: WALAO! I tell you something... that bamboo guy! HE'S STALKING ME!
T_T
Me: HAR?! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
Christine: What's so funny== (smacking me in the head)
Me: because I also felt the same== I kept bumping into him in our lecture halls...
Christine: Walao eh! when i was doing Physics practical.. he kept looking into the lab==
Me: because you pretty ma ^^
Christine:^^
==

few days ago..
Christine: OMG!!!! you know what? as I was having my lunch break and I was sitting down...
I felt something weird... and I asked whether am I just being sensitive..
we all turned around and saw him staring at me! O.O!
T_T
Me: wow... that is awesome....
Christine:(ignoring me) and when I queue up to buy lunch.. his eyes kept following me...
and even when I was paying I peeked at him and he's still staring!
He stared at me for the whole hour!!
and he asked for Albert's number to get close to me..
and he sent him an sms...==
saying he wanna be friends with me and show me his picture!!
WHAT THE HELL?!
Me: wow... lol just don't care la its normal sometimes that these things happen..
Christine: apparently he's younger than us and he takes A level too..
Me: Oh that explains a lot..
except the way he looks like..
Christine: I'm never drinking sugar cane anymore...

16/4/2009...

OH MY GOD!!!
MY EGG CRACKED INTO PIECES!!!!
T_T

time of death..
1313...
place of death...
DK2.. or was it 3..
Murderer...
Alex L. himself ==

here's the story..
as we were having Physics lecture...
I was trying to concentrate on what the teacher is trying to teach...
and Ah How (a coursemate a.k.a rotten apple) asked for my egg to play with it because obviously its so darn cute..
after 5 minutes..
suddenly I heard him screaming "NOOOOO!!!"
and
"BLAK!"
O.O
uh oh...
and I turned... and everyone was pale as snow...
and we look down on the floor...
there it lay....
blood all over it...
"Oh my god!!"
"AHAHAHA"
"Nooooo! Our baby died"
"What the inFARCtion"?

Ah how looked at me..
bewildered and innocent looking...
and he explained that
while he was admiring and playing with it...
Alex just smash it out of his hand!
it flew with the accleration of 100km per hour and landed dead on the floor...
egg yolk spilled all over...

and that's the end of his story..
O.O

==


Goodbye my baby...
I'm so sorry you only had one day to live...
I thought we were gonna have you long...

Conclusion = I suck as a parent ==

15/4/2009.....

15/4/2009...
the day he was born...
the day we brought him into life..
and we promised to raise him..
and take good care of him...
and feed him and provide him with the best shelter...

our baby..
our hope...

on this date..
our GP lecturer, carried out an activity with the class
we were all asked to be in pairs and bring one egg
and act as parents
and take good care of the egg until next Monday
so we can learn and feel a little bit of how parenting at one part is like..
how time consuming it is..
because we must take it to school everyday and back...
and make sure it doesn't break...
and you guys know how fragile it is..

lol I didn't know about this at first,
so I just randomly picked someone..
and I got Matthew..
so I'm the wife==

anyway, we named it after our nice friend,
Alex L.
LOL
!
(my idea)
and then the guys of our gang named their children after girls linked to him..

well anyway, we decided to take turns taking it back home..
and make sure it doesn't get cracked..

so far so good ^^


this is its head from top view..the back view...
the face ^^and its ass...

Conclusion = I am sure we are good parents ^^

A day with Tine Tine and Alexander

What happens when you see and think of when you see this?



and this?

There can only be one thing in my mind..
and Christine's...
and my friends...
and Christine's friends.....

weird..
ANIME
BAMBOO
LEGS guy!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
@.@

lol
Once upon a time,
I was going back to my condo with Christine..
we were walking...
under her umbrella, under a hot, sunny day...
on our way towards the bus station...
in front of us..
there it was...
or he was... the guy with very thin legs.. and weird hair..
and weird face...
lol anyway, this was our conversation
A: How was your test ah?
C: Walao! I keep doing stupid mistakes==
A: Ai yo you can de la you so smart! ^^
C:What oh! You smarter than me ok?
A: ==
O.O eh you look in front... that guy de legs so damn thin...
like those anime creeps.. with weird weird legs... walao his legs so thin he dare to wear skinny pants?
C:Yea lo hor... AHAHAHAHAH
A: I dunno whether will I look like that when I wear them...
C: No la, your legs good looking enough what. Model ma~~ ^.*
A:==

Meanwhile
Animeboy : (in his mind) my legs are awesome~~
wow! that girl walking towards the bus stop is so hot!
I gotta get her phone no....so I can call her every hour in 15 minute intervals..
and make her my creep queen....
I'll make her wear my skinny pants... because it fit all legs...
except the guy beside her because he has better legs...but nevermind..
I will get my creep queen.....

(ok I made that up) -.-

anyway...we never made eye contact... both parties..


the next beautiful day...
C:OMG! you know what?! you remember that anime guy we stabbed his back with our evil, poison oozing words with? he asked my friend at the bus stand for my number after we got unto the bus! @.@
A: WHAT?! ==
WALIU!
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
C: ==
A: I cannot believe the guy we talked about behind his back... and criticise... turned out to show interest in you.. wow... that is such a coincidence....
C: yea lo....


(I'm breaking this up into a few parts... so you guys wont get tired reading..LOL)

WOOSH!

wow!
you know what?!
lol...
I am such a bitch ==
today my mood is so good and I am so happy right now,
not to say today is the happiest day of my life
but hey,
I guess I finally moved on from the past...
well some major problems I need to move on with..
so its a great achievement considering what happened..
but right now I'm talking so ambiguously and most of you guys wouldn't understand
but I tell you what,
be happy for me because I'm still living and I'm happy^^

for those who know,
I moved on !! :D

Today, I went to watch "He's Just NOT that into you" with a friend in The Gardens,
boy, this movie is very nice and its so wickedly funny
but I don't think this show are for most guys,
but,
if you ever experienced love in any form,
or you're those sensitive and sensible ones...
this movie you definitely can relate to...
haha
and having the cast with most A list stars
are just ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
there's like Scarlett Johansson, Bradley Cooper, Justin Long, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, jennifer Connelly,
and the rest of the cast are very funny,
the lines are so smart and totally true..
lol

but of course, there were some unnecessary scenes...
and I don't know why they censored the kissing scenes==

then I went to buy groceries...
and I got sick
==

I mean I got sick early in the morning due to exposure of low temperature...
T_T
so now my head is banging and I feel like dying
but hey,
I am happy because I had a great day today,
and I moved on,
the movie helped me in some ways...
lol

so...
now I wanna go back and sleep..
and pray..
tomorow gotta get back to schoolwork again..

Conclusion = The End of the world only will occur in 3 simple ways,
1. When you give up on yourself and life
2. When People are still ignorant about the environmental changes and global warming
3. When everyone goes to war.... and Apocalypse reallly is happening...
(this is what I can think of right now...)
so..
SAVE THE WORLD AND LOVE LOVE LOVE^^

dah cukup..

larmes....

Je continue de pleurer pour toi....

Je suis désolé

Random talk...

I'm in a not so good mood right now...
maybe because I'm bored...
maybe because I lost motivation momentarily..
my trials just ended last week..
and my results ain't good...
I still cannot figure out what I am suppose to do in the future...
what is my niche...
what can I do to contribute to the society...
what can I do to survive...
what can I do to live...

I've been soul searching for so long..
and yes I got some small answers in the process...
and I realise how weak I am too...
I've learnt some life lessons in the hard way...
sometimes I wish I could do it all over again...
yet, there are too many mistakes I've done...
cause I shouldn't regret anything at all..

Tomorrow is the Pikom Pc Fair again..
I wanted to work so much...
but the places were filled up..
damn it..

I just don't know what is wrong these days...
things just are unpleasant...
not that I'm so negative...
its just hard to deny the unpleasant situations happening around me...
or maybe yeah...
I am attracting negative stuff... because of what I'm thinking...

Maybe I'm still sad...
of what happened ....
yeah...
I admit I haven't let go...
and I don't think it will be soon....

Anyway, I won't be going back home this week... and maybe for the next few weeks... or months...
because I have extra classes on Saturday...
and exams coming up..
lazy to get back...
I miss my family....
but not really that much...
not that I don't love them...
I'm just tired ....

I guess I want to go Penang again..
my escape island...
but I don't think the feeling will be the same again...
due to some circumstances...
everything is so different now...

I'm tired...
and I am confused...

Someone save me...

Now what...

So now I finally finished my trials..
and my results are still sucky...
haha
but since I'm trying to be positive right now...
I should say...
(erm.. this is hard..)
my results aren't as expected and I should try harder because it wasn't that hard in the first place^^
lol
well honestly yeah... I just realised it wasn't that hard after all.. you just really need to motivate yourself and revise revise revise!

so from the previous post I did mention about drama this and that but I don't think I can write that right now because...
I guess I moved on and I am slowly letting go of those negative energies and sad memories...
don't wanna write them here..
because I guess all those dreams and hope are just illusions..
and assumptions...
which are not meant to be...
and I guess I shouldn't hang on to them any more...

so anyway,
I went to watch THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS 4!!!
I like it but I don't know why I didn't get that adrenaline rush action movies should give...
but hey, the girls are smoking hot!
and the cars are so so so cool~~
oh yeah, watch out for Terminator 4 too!
the trailer is total awesomeness!!


when we're just about to head home...
we realised..
our friend's car tyre got punctured...
deliberately by someone we do not know...
god... I realise unfortunate things keep happening these days..
the bus I got on crash into another car..
(nothing serious)
my friend got robbed...
I overslept and ended up not studying...
and the other thing....

but!
to be positive..
I guess I have to take them as lessons from God...
or awareness... of how to be careful and appreciate stuff?
lol

and I realise... I did a lot of shitty stuff to upset people...
I realise how selfish I am and the things I said really affected people in so many ways..
so I am sorry about that...
I hope it doesn't sound cheap=.=

Conclusion = Growing up...

Tagged by Melvin Goh

1. The person who tagged you?
Melvin Goh

2. Your relationship with him/her is
Coursemates :D

3. Your impressions of him/her
very determined guy, hardworking and serious. oh and I admire that he works and study at the same time.

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you
erm... for this moment I can only think of he driving me back to my condo. which i really appreciate^^ thanks

5. The most memorable thing he/she had said to you
err=.= honestly dude I cant remember sorry..

6. If he/she becomes your lover you will
never will happen...-.-


7. If he/she becomes your lover,things he/she has to improve on will be
no idea...=.=
omg Melvin this is weird...

8. If he/she becomes your enemy,you will
I dont have enemies... ^^
never will

9. If he/she becomes your enemy,the reason will be
us being too childish and immature to handle conflicts

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now
tell him how I admire his motivation and studying ethnic

11. Your overall impression of him/her is
efficient and productive

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?
serious and cool to those who don't know me
crazy and bubbly to those who know...
over-the-top... full of myself...selfish... but infectious..^^

13. The characters you love of yourself are
my emo-ness and never give up heart.

14. On the contrary,the characters that you hate about yourself
not productive...slack-off... not responsible... not smart enough....not loving enough.... not being appreciative... not determined....
omg do you really want me to go on...

15. The most ideal person you want to be is
erm... a better version of myself...
someone who can walk into everyone's life and illuminate them

16. For people who care and love you,you say something to them
I love u...

17. Pass this test to 10 persons who you wished to know how they feel about you
~1~Christine Lay
~2~Ah PAN!
~3~JEssica!
~4~Kah Moon!
~5~Angeline :D

18. Who is no.6?
I only did 4 people....

19. Is no.9 a male or female?
a transsexual..

20. If no.7 and no.10 together,is that a good thing?
no idea

21. What is no.2 studying about?
Architecture..

22. When is the last time you had a chat with no.3?
yesterday

23. What kind of music band does no.8 like?
dunno....

24. Does no. 1 have any siblings?
yeah.... 3

25. Will you woo no.3?
lol never.... best friends^^

26. How about no.7?
whoever it should be... no... not looking for one

27. Is no.4 single?
yes she is...from what i last heard..

28. What is the surname of no.5?
LAW!

29. What is the hobby of no.10?
-.-

30. Does no.5 and 9 get along well?
never..
lol

31. Where is no.2 studying at?
Taylors =.=

32. Talk something casually about no.1
she is one of the most interesting girls I ever met^^

33. Have you tried developing feelings for no.6?
nope... cause no.6 is just air..

34. Where does no.9 live at?
ai yo....

35. What colour does no.4 like?
erm....Lavender? dunno wo...

36. Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
good friends..

37. Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
nope=.=...

38. What is no.6 doing now?
dunno..

Stress...

equals to Force over area...
but this equation is usually related to tensile stress...
so am I being squashed?
crappy question...but emotionally and spiritually yes...

the force of everything from the universe which acts on the total surface area of my body...
how do you calculate that force?
its not confirmed actually, it's something dependent...
on how you accept and perceive things..
how you react to changes and situations...
how much force you let react upon you...

Good evening, I am your friendly friend...
Sape Alexander Hexers ^^
and I'm back :D

for the past month so many things happened and changed...
well I definitely changed...
relationships were formed and destroyed...
I lost someone I dearly heart...
and I realise a lot more about myself in a short time...
yes... everything is negative
but I guess its time to switch polars and try to live life productively and try hard to be happy now
it was effortless long time ago...
but the circumstances and short-comings I'm facing from the last update really made me realise..
nothing is for sure...
nothing is promised...
and what we do... the minute things... the stupid things you say...
actually, can make a serious drastic change...
situations may even be fatal...
at one point I thought I died... slowly...

right now, I don't wanna think about anything...
but people,
more drama from the
past,
present,
and future is coming!

I am BARK!!!!

Conclusion = I have 2 more trials paper to complete so this is short...
wait for my story....
(If I still have listeners out there.... haha)