ISKH

Everytime when I read the posts you guys posted... I really do feel the pressure because I'm not updating at all...
so this is actually a spam post...LOL

just to tell you guys...
the reasons why I'm not updating...

1. I'm not really in a good mood right now... having PMS (lol, as I like to use it)
mood swings actually I'm having... for so many problems and situations I just cannot deal with...

2. Actually my life didn't got boring... in fact.. so many things happened... but mostly in a bad way... and I don't think I would like to write them here... or maybe I shouldn't... cause its best not to reveal everything....

erm... haha I think just these 2 main points which obviously can be elaborated for pages...

so there you have it... why I'm not updating...

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I thought I was stronger... but maybe I was for a period... then I was defeated... by myself.. and everything around me...

I thought I found strength... but my inner hunger made me consume myself and put me in danger...

I realise the words I use... aren't wise... I hurt someone so badly before.... and now... just one bloody conversation actually destroyed a friendship... and all that happiness and hope promised...
I was really looking forward to that happiness I might never get for the next 5 years....
no person ever treated me that good before...

and things changed here in penang... my uncle have a new born son^^
so his kids are his priority right now...
and a lost one who used to cook us great food and bring us around isn't there anymore...
so now I'm stuck here in Penang...
the irony huh? I was really looking forward to come here... but when I got here... eevrything is different...
the feeling isn't the same anymore....
I feel worse... I thought I can recuperate here... restart my system here...
I thought I can run away from all the negativities in Seremban and KL...
but only... I ran into more problems and pain....

but maybe these are all just a perspective...
for being too pessimistic...
but I'm so tired... tired of being optimistic...
because I once was... and I already forgot how it felt to be optimistic... I just remembered how it felt to hope and never get anything I wanted....

I'm so tired right now... I feel wasted...
I hate what I've become...
now I got no mood liao suddenly..
lol
so I stop writing now...

byebye

Conclusion= I'm a hopeless man... a sohai...


LOL
=.=