Thank God..

lol I cannot help it but I just wanna type...
I used to be able to stop blogging for a period of time when I wanted to..
but SOMEONE requested me to post frequently at a point of my life and it has became quite a habit .... haiz..
but I guess you're moving on with your life now..
I am kinda too.. just that the rate is not as I expected.. bloody...

ANYWAY!
Thank God for not killing my lovely Bio lecturer T_T
no I'm not kidding...
she met with a freak accident yesterday and she still managed to make us laugh at her...
although I must say it was so scary just imagining what happened...
(ok let me try to describe with my very very appalling level of English...)
(on second thought.. I just recall what she said..that would be better)

"OH MY God you know what? I just met with an accident yesterday! "
Everybody's jaws dropped
"and you know what?! it was my 1 DAY old car! "

"huh?"

"Yeah! My one day old car I got for my convo! "
"It happened at PJ Section 13, and I was coming out at a corner but I couldn't see oncoming cars... because the stupid people parked their cars everywhere! Apparently there was a pasar malam"
"I just came out of the corner a little and all of a sudden the car just crashed into me!"
@.@
"and the whole scenario just keep repeating in my mind... tyres screeching...excruciating honking...and BANG! my head got tossed to the side of the windows and that constant pulsing is so painful...
the whole front part went off! the tyre, the engine, the window thingy... and whatever front part were all gone!~~... T_T my new car.."

"My sister was sitting beside me and our friends were at the back. and my sis told me the first thing I said after regaining conciousness was .."my new car..."

Me : == ..typical..

The guy actually saw her car coming but he was still speeding with 110km per hour because he assumed she would brake...
Thank his mom for leaving him a DNA strand to program him to steer off and bang the front part of the car.
If not she would have really died..
IT WAS THAT SERIOUS.

"what model was it?" some guy asked.

"it was a Hyundai i 10 ! errk.. my new car....T_T "

"miss miss! what's the .."
"I know I know 4***... typical of you guys, all my friends called just to ask the car plate number"
she interrupted.

and then she went on elaborating on the police.... and other funny stuff...

suddenly I got no mood to type now....
oh... I'm getting my PMS again.. LOL

but
she said she went to the Hospital Universiti
"Miss, registeration satu jam, tunggu doktor 3-4 jam"
"APA?! Orang boleh mati tunggu tau?!"

"and yeah it was the emergency lane...." Miss G mumbled...

everyone laughed and I was drooling from digesting that fact....
I think its my brain juice...

and she continued with lecture...
***********************************************
Prom is this Saturday!
I wonder what will happen...
I hope Christine wins :D

minutes ago Christine was jumping and getting all excited about her new pet rabbit which
was of a palm sized
seconds ago.. she came to me, sounding very sad..
the rabbit was eaten by a cat...
how..
sarcastic life can be...
LOL

well I gotta go back to my stuff now...
life will be miserable I guess for the next few months if I manage to carry out my plan properly..
and hopefully there will be a garden of fruits awaiting me....

CONCLUSION = Why is life turning upside down now... its not that I wanna view it negatively but you just cannot ignore the events... I hope rainbows will appear again...
oh yeah! I hope when I get my hybrid car... It doesn't get crashed @.@

Lost and Found...

I went to a Lost and Found shop today...
a place which I do not frequent to...
a place I only visit when I really lost something...

as I pushed opened the door.. the rusted bell rang...
an old, frail keeper stood there...
waiting... and smiling at me...
I forced a smile back at him, and walked slowly...
"Ah.. its been ages my boy, what brings you here? " he said cheerfully.
"I... er... lost some stuff sir... and I want them back..."
"Well, of course you lost some important stuff my boy! But do you know what are they? "

I stared blankly at the old man's pale grey eyes... and nothing came out of my mouth...
"of course..." he replied... and he went back into the storage room...
to come back few seconds later... with a chest made of glass....
it was cold...

"So what do you want to know? What have you lost? or what you still have left? or found..."
"lost..."
Without hesitating... he grabbed my hand and gave me a crystal taken from the chest...
I felt pain... lots of pain... and I felt like I got tossed around wildly..
I vanished...

It was white...
all white...
as I entered the ward.. there she lay... with her eyes closed...
but her hands moving weakly..
and her breaths are heavy..
I held her hand...
that warm hand...
and I called out to her...
and she teared...
I thought everything was going to be alright...

it was always on these occasions that I felt that our family are one again...
where we don't argue...
and we all sat quietly in the car.. and prayed...
that everything is going to be alright...

I vanished again...
and it was night time...
I was happy because I was with my best of friends, Christine, 234 and her family...
celebrating her brother's 21st birthday...
we had tremendous fun...
and I thought I was moving on...
and I thought everything will be alright...
but deep down... I still wish you could see me laughing... and smiling back at you..

the next morning, black crows flew by...
and bad news came...
why is it that only when death knocks...
only all family members are reunited...
only our spirits are really one...

I did not dared to look at the faces last time...
when it was both grandpas and greatgrandma...
but I did on you... and you were beautiful...

as I stood at the cemetery...
paying my last respects...
tossing that handful of crystal white sand into your grave...
the old man told me...
"Life is full of surprises eh? my.. my.. especially death... you just never knew when he's coming.."
I looked at him sadly...
and we both vanished..

of flower baths...
haunting incantations...
and burnt joss-sticks...
the smell of death came back to me...

as we bid my once, grandparents house good-bye...
I felt that its empty now...
empty from the noises of grandchildren running and screaming around...
empty from the sound of cooking from the kitchen...
empty from the sound of Mahjong pieces clashing together...
the sound of silence penetrates me...
and dragged me off the ground...

I hope the next time we come by..
it will be filled with laughters and cheers again...

I vanished again...
back into the shop...
the old man was sitting on a rocking chair now...
rocking slowly... looking at me...
"You lost a loved one my boy... although you don't feel it everyday... her love for her children and grandchildren was always there"
"Don't be saddened boy... I know you lost another love too... you haven't lost one's soul yet.. keep having faith...
but you have to give up on that one you see... because that soul does not belong to you...
although you lost both loves... their spirits are still with you..."

I teared again... only to realise... I actually still love you...
I still see you everywhere..
standing on my lawn when I was hanging my clothes..
lying in that ward... eating that awful food... and sending me a message complaining how bad it was...
creeping up to me when I was washing my dishes...
ironing my clothes...
holding me... to another view of Titanic...
kissing my forehead...
and I guess I have binded that love... trapped....
and I have to live with it...
I will not ask you to be mine...
even if we are just friends...
I will be happy for you... happy that you're successful..
happy that you found another ...

"What you still have my boy... is so much to mention... but most importantly...
you still have plenty of loved ones... and they will be here for you no matter what...
what you still have... is your virtues....
treasure them... and learn to love yourself more...
and let that love overflow... and infect others....
and you will overcome all..."

"what you found... well... you found a new side of yourself... you found strength.... and wisdom...
grow.... keep growing my boy... and focus...
this is critical now...
there will be hurricanes soon... and you must overcome it...
release yourself from the horrible past my boy...
and give another angel a chance to save you...
give that angel a chance to love you... and fly with you...
I cannot give you back the things you have lost... they are forever gone dear boy... learn to accept that..."

The old man turned away...
and put on a record...
a familiar composition...
the sound of beautiful piano filled the air...
and the notes danced around me....
it was Chopin...Nocturne Op9. No.2....

and I walked away....

the rusted bell rang again...
and as I took a few steps towards the streets...
a bird flew to me...
and the bird told me that the message is well received...
I kissed the bird...
and another stream of tears flowed down my left cheek...
passing my scar... burning it...
I continued walking...

the sounds of dancing keys fading....

I got my funeral...
but it wasn't the one I wanted...

A message from a bird

A bird was carrying a message...
it flew far far away....
to a particular house.... in the middle of the street...
where tall,black gates fronts it...
a small, black sausage- like dog guards it
and fishes swim in aquariums...

The message...
sealed with hopes that the receiver will read it... and know...
that the sender...
is sorry for everything....for what has happened
sorry because everything changed and what was promised may never materialise
mostly because its a sad sad situation...

and the sender wants the receiver to know that he is happy now...
that he is moving on and letting go
that he will not be there to slow the receiver down... from achieving your happiness and dreams
and he wants the receiver to be happy too
to give the receiver space to find oneself...
because the sender could not fix you
and the sender will live his life to the fullest again
and continue being happy and bubbly like he always was
and the sender will still pray for the receiver's happiness..
like he always did...

and the sender wants you to know,
that he does not blame you anymore...
and he is thankful for all the sweet and wonderful memories you gave him..
and he will never forget them...
they will continue living in him... to remind him how special he was to you...
how much you loved him...
even though it was short... very short... but during the period, it was the one of the most romantic period of his life... his heart really melted... and he always hope that the feeling would never end...new memories constantly being created...

he is thankful because you made him into a whole new person... someone he thought he would never be... and he learnt a lot.. and he laughed a lot...
and he really poured his soul out for you...
he is thankful that you brought him genuine happiness...
he is thankful because you showed him that he is capable of loving... and most importantly, being loved...

but fate has decided that both parties have to part ways...
to walk their own roads now...
and write a new chapter...
a chapter without the other half in it...

and still... one of the most romantic thing you've done...is by dedicating "To Be With You" by David Archuleta... that song never failed to make the sender cry...
and so... the sender wants to dedicate an album to you...
"All I Ever Wanted" by Kelly Clarkson

almost all the songs in it was personally felt by the sender..
and many situations really applied to the sender and the receiver..
and lastly...
he dedicates this song to you..


Already Gone
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

*******************************************************
How funny life can be huh?
the 1st time... it happened when the song "If I were a boy" was constantly being played..
and now its "Already Gone"....
why couldn't it be "To Be With You..."

A few sorries.. and a lot of thank yous...
he once promise he will walk with you no matter what...
if you still let him... he will...
but he guess that is not it anymore...
the sender will stop his tears now...
because you once told him that everytime he cries.. your heart is cut once..
because you once told him to be happy no matter what...
because you will be happy too..

He loves you...
always did...
and he love you enough...
to let you go...

Another scar sealed :)

Today,6th of August, marks a WHOLE NEW CHAPTER of my life.
I've been through ups and downs...
mostly happiness, fortunately, but unfortunately, that source is drained.
Yesterday, I found the answers I needed...
thanks for that... they really helped me to understand and grow...
and I am finally letting go...
needless to say its best for both parties.

For me, I can channel more energy into my studies,family and friends...
and my crazy dream :D
and I hope you can find your light too

and surprisingly!!!
today started off so nicely, Biology was awesome! lol... even non-bio students are attending because you know why?
obviously... Miss Gerald is teaching the reproductive system ==
which I am so proud to be well-educated in,
practically and theorically (shush don't ask ...)

I thought it would be boring because we are actually learning the process of gametes production...and hormones production... and the detailed parts of the gonads...in-vitro fertilisation...this and that..
as if that is really interesting...
but it turned out...
to be such an entertainment.
oh Miss G you're such a comic XD

during the class....
-males produce 100-200millions sperms everyday
Miss Gerald " Ok now I have questions, guys, do you need so many sperms?
do you guys actually need them everyday?"
Male students "Hahahaha yes we do"
Miss Gerald " you know its such a waste of ATP (energy source) and all the energy is concentrated down there and none goes to the brain... NO WONDER!" she exclaimed.
Females students " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA " thunder-like applause...

wow.. that's a great comeback... ouch...
==

Matthew " Miss? Why do we need erectile tissues?"
Miss G " er hem... well, (gave him the "since-you-ask-for-it-and-no-I'm-not-embarassed-to-talk-about-it-look") to get an erection of course. don't you have erections?"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (background)
Matthew "why do we need erections?"
Miss G *gasp*then giggled... giving him the same look "Well you need an erection to put your little penis into a girls' vagina to ensure fertilisation :D "
Another student " define put "
Miss G " O.O define put...? hahaha..."
"because with your small little penises, you can't even enter a girl's vagina.. no matter how big the body is,it wouldn't be big enough ok. even if you did enter, it would only be a quarter of it.like 5 %.
Me turning to Ah Loke immediately... giving him my wtf look...
"== LOL 5 %? .... can she be even more specific... HAHAHAHA"
"yea lo what the fuck...haha"

anyway that was Bio... haha

and the other subjects were somehow interesting again...
I don't know whether is it me being over positive or what...
LOL

next Monday is one hella important day for me....
and many other peers...
something is COMING out...
and I don't wanna type this directly because I didn't tell a particular parent..
and my cousin's producer is always reading the lines of my post...
and reporting...
so hopefully... it all will turn out marvelous for everyone :D
haha

OH OH!
I AM SO SO SO EXCITED FOR PROM!
I bought something very nice for myself 2 days ago....
and I spent like hundreds of the next odd number of 1...
because if I do type this directly again... my lovely producer will kill me..
haha
but I earned that money during Pc fair...
so, no guiltiness :Dmore photos on facebook :D
hehe and you know what?! the formal white shirt is just only 30 ringgit omg==
it was worth 100!
woohoo~~
so HAPPY!!
(this is gay but..)
clothes are still my best lovers.. haha they make me look gorgeous and they'll stay on me
to give me warmth and protection...
haha

haiz..
sad thing is... those amount of money was initially for something else...
but I guess that will never have a chance to surface itself...
may the next person be the one surprising you a particular green console then..
(lol but now I disclose it.. it wouldn't be a surprise anymore.. but I don't think you're reading this either :D)

oh! when I was in Pavillion on Tuesday...
guess what I saw...
ok.. there was some convocation for some BB girls school.. where the girls are overaged ..
but that's not the point..
I saw a Bvlgari booth...
how fortunate....
==
and I totally cannot believe my immediate response was to ran up to that salesperson..
and asked for a particular bottle..
he sprayed it on me I don't know why..
and I had to bear that scent the whole day...
as the Calvin Klien Summer collection I had on already faded during the afternoons...
how close I felt... yet so isolated...

I don't know whether was that bottle the one you always wanted...
but the one I had on was really good...
and I hesitated... I almost bought it to make it an apology gift...
but something stopped me...
I guess I wouldn't be surrounded by that scent huh... and knowing that bottle will not be from me..

lol anyway, enough of going backwards, I have already moved on.
A lion once told me, People only go backwards... when there are nothing in front of you that is attractive enough...
that really inspired me...
and I hope it does to you too... because I know, I am not the one...
and for me, my priorities which was once left aside, are on top of the list again.
A's A's A's A's and many more A's
and DOLCE AND GABBANA!
muahahahaha

CONCLUSION= How to heal a scar? Aloe Vera of course =P plenty of them....

Tears...

Ever watched touchy videos... and your hair stands up...
your heart trembles....
and a cold icy feeling run down through your spine?
sometimes the feeling is so intense... you choke up..
and tears start stirring in your eyes...
if you let go...
the warm..slow tears just runs through your cheeks..
and you feel insecure again...

I have been unhappy for quite a long time already...
and its not like I'm not showing signs...
I've waited...
and I've hinted..
and I've confronted...
but nothing is really changing...
and so it has reached my limit...
its time to move on...
and let go...

I just talked to a friend...
and he showed me some videos..
and I pressed some links..
and god...
how intense they were..
and I would love to share them to you guys..
and hope..
you guys would appreciate the people around you more...
and take control of life...
and appreciate your love ones...
and yourself...





and yeah... these questions are often asked by me...
sometimes I have the answers...
and the answers kept me going in life...
but the answers always change...
there wasn't really a constant answer..
you were once the answer to life...


and yes.. these kinda questions do pop up in my mind as well...
especially the times when I feel constant pain in my brain..
and I can't help but to guess..
that it might be something else..
and sometimes I'm scared...
if I am dying.. will there be someone for me..
or is it better to die alone...
will I be holding someone's hand for the very last second...



and I do realise...
you do not belong to me...
and all those promises will never come through..
I don't see a future in it anymore..

I am sorry to say...
there is no hope anymore...
its time for me to move on now...

Goodbye pain...

Summon summon....

Long long time ago...
my mother bought me a headset...
which is worth like RM15... it was ok la for me.. can use ma happy lo..
a long time ago...
it got spoilt halfway..LOL...
sometime ago..
when I reached my condo..
and put my books on my table..
I saw my headset snapped into half....
Cb.... sure got people use and spoilt it...
but cannot blame la.. lol already damaged halfway..

******************************************************************

yesterday I went for my briefing ..
but before that.. I left at 4pm... and reached Sungai Wang...
and we shopped...
but but before that... Christine they all went to collect their commission...
and I was left there... I went to the arcade... the second time I went there..
but I was alone... (how come I sound sad)
==
lol because somebody in particular wasn't there? maybe ... :D
so I sat and I watched the people passing by.. and the world go by...
haha anyway , we all shopped later.. because Christine needs 2 dresses for prom...
I absolutely love the yellow dress she bought ^^

after that when its 7pm we left and reached Radius hotel
and you know what?
OH MY GOD... THERE ARE LIKE 15 OF US FRIENDS ! ==
which I never knew joined...
after long hours of listening ... and laughing at jokes..
and laughing at people...
we finally got off.. at 11.30pm...
and travelled back...
and reached Wangsa Maju at 12 something..
and we ate at SBRj.. until 1 something..
and I reached my condo.. at 1.15...
very tiring..
my brain was exhausted...

********************************************************************

"for the U-Care Plus One warranty,
if the battery is...."
a hand shot up
"NO! not covered! "
and another hand was erected..
producing an AVF headset...
and the guy who just answered, grabbed it excitedly ...
and that guy was me :D
YAY!
lol I won a headset worth around 20 something?
haha so nice ^^

Goodnight.. tomorrow is war!

Conclusion =I'LL BE SELLING DELL LAPTOPS AT BOOTH BQ3 (BANQUET)
Level 3 KLCC
Do come and say hello :D
and buy a laptop from me if interested.
I'm your lovely friend,
Alexander Wong ^^

Scream...

Does it help to scream? ....
will someone hear your desperate cry for help?...
will someone know you're craving for their attention...?

in the sea of people...
does anyone stop to take a look at you when you're standing there...
in the middle, crying...
blood... dripping done your porcelain-like face...
because the tears aren't just tears...
its the scar of your heart...
that is torn apart again...
the scar that you thought would heal...
tears apart again... and digs deeper...
and bleeds...
and trickles..
into the pool beneath...

Does it help to scream...?
in the middle of the rain...
where everyone's sorrows drown yours...
and your scream isn't significant enough..
to grab other's attention...

why...
why can't screaming breaks through that barrier and reach the angel...
or maybe there's no angel...
maybe its just another lost soul in disguise....

when you scream for help...
the angel is screaming too...
but you don't know how the angel feels inside...
and you only feel the pain stirring inside of you...
and you will never know what the future holds....

but you keep holding on...
because you still believe in angels...
and you still believe in fairies..
you still believe that a pot of gold is awaiting you at the end of the rainbow...
you still truly believe that love conquers all...

and yes, maybe people may think you're naive and innocent..
but you are a believer...
and you believe....