What I want...

After a very very long time of not running and jogging and exercising properly, I finally ran again….and goodness it was so fulfilling ^^

I ran with 234 and Christine in the small park… or is it a garden…? == Anyway the sky was so blue and the patterns of clouds are mesmerizing… that contrast of baby blue and pure white widens the eyes… and the erected construction site in the middle of nowhere is so… unique… it’s like something modern growing out of a peaceful land… it’s like some scene from a Japanese anime where an innocent child was standing below a humongous building in the traditional feudal land of Nagasaki… (Haha I made that up…I have no Japan names in my mind for now)

After running for a few circles I got tired but I was somehow tremendously happy and high… it’s like I had orgasm but the only difference is I don’t have to clean up right away… ==

Yesterday I read a few pages from the book “The Secret”, where the author advises us to feel positive and attract positive things. Hence, the universe will shift automatically to make what we attract happen… something like that… and I realize, my last post was so negative… and the things I write wouldn’t attract someone angelic to me… maybe I’m making things worse…because one major thing we have to do is to really love oneself and respect our self, in order to let people love you too…

I guess I really lack of that…I guess we shouldn’t wait for someone to fill your heart with love… but we fill it ourself and make that love overflow so that the love can be spreaded to others and is shared… well, that’s one of the parts I remembered…

What I want now… is not that new Dolce and Gabbana 2009 Fall Collection… isn’t a new car or a plane…or a penthouse...lol (but these are all for later years)

What I want now…

What I plan to do… and what I really want…

Is to get that bloody 5A’s

Is to learn how to cook… I wanna try cooking specialties from Cuba and Iran… for personal reasons… and unique delicacies from all around the world…

What I really want now… is to grow up maybe a little bit more faster… and build up a little bit more faster… so that ultimately… I’ll get that angel of mine…

Whether or not I have the chance in the first place…

Maybe these things I will do aren’t relevant at all… and maybe there wouldn’t be any possibility in the future…

But deep inside, I know… at least I tried…

And I want you…

Look me in the eyes...

and give me a chance please? so that we could fill this glass together with roses until it pours out...

so that there's constant flow of Love and Freedom ...

Conclusion = I'm crystal clear of what I want for now...

Another beautiful day...

I woke up again....
by the chirping of birds....
to a fine view of trees... a park... a few metres away from the window...
a park of trees and mysteries....

but I was tired... so I went back to sleep... and this is to me.. one of the blissful things I can experience in my life.... having a nice wonderful sleep... feeling safe.. and without the pressure of going to school... waking up to the sky and sounds of nature...

Now I'm bored...
and I'm feeling weird inside my heart... that cold..shivering feeling... like its really empty... and its shivering... its like yearning for something... and sad, and scared because of uncertainties... and insecurities...
maybe because it lack love...
or it does not have the love it seek...
but it tell itself to wait... but waiting for uncertainties...
that may never happen...

and this feeling is so strong that the eyes teared up...
and the mind is thinking...
why are you crying?
for what reason... is it because you still haven't move on?
no... the heart says... no...
its because there's no one there to hold your hand....
its because the heart and soul knows that... nothing is promised and permanent...
even though the mind wants to believe so...

even though something so seemingly perfect is in front of your eyes..
but that person isn't ready either...
isn't ready to provide me with what I seek...
and maybe this day would never come...

the tears that my eyes are flowing now...
does not seem to have value anymore at one point... because recently I cried too much.. for once in my life...
the first time I cried and feel deeply sad...
not the feeling of crying so hard to ask your mom stop beating you...
I cried so hard begging the feeling to go away...
I cry so hard wishing someone might see my sad face...
and hold me.... and fill my eyes with light again...
fill my heart with endless love again...
make me whole again... help me pick up my shattered pieces.. and help me mend them back...

but I guess maybe this is too much for someone..
no one has that kind of time for me... nor to anyone else...
not many would pick up broken parts and make them perfect and whole again..
foolish to think so...
these thoughts make me weak...
why couldn't I pick up the pieces myself... and fill myself with my own love?....

maybe because...
its not possible for now...
I want someone in my life...
that special person to do that for me...
to fill that glass with roses... until it pours out...so there's freedom and love at the same time...

don't want to consume chocolates to hide my sorrows anymore...
don't wanna drink wine to replace the pain...
pure love should be the resolution...
but how long more?...

I'm cold....

Another day with Tine Tine and Alexander...

so erm.. where were we?

oh!
okok..

a few days after that.. or was it weeks..
time just passed.. because we were all busy with exams and studies...
as my gang and I passed by the halls... and canteens....
towards our lecture halls... I started to notice something different...
something that was non-existent but now a present thing in my eyes...
2...
thin legs....
and the weird looking face!
==

Me: there! (pointing at the anime guy) that was the guy who asked for Christine's number!
How come nowadays keep bumping into him.....
God:(not the real one... he's a friend and he has that name because he's so good in his studies... he's godlike) yea lo! maybe he' s following Christine....
Me: cannot be la.. comon.. where can be that serious... I so pretty also no one follow...
God: =.=|||||
Me: :D

after a few days again.. we kept bumping into him....
and we know something is definitely wrong...

another few days again..
(at my condo)
Christine: WALAO! I tell you something... that bamboo guy! HE'S STALKING ME!
T_T
Me: HAR?! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
Christine: What's so funny== (smacking me in the head)
Me: because I also felt the same== I kept bumping into him in our lecture halls...
Christine: Walao eh! when i was doing Physics practical.. he kept looking into the lab==
Me: because you pretty ma ^^
Christine:^^
==

few days ago..
Christine: OMG!!!! you know what? as I was having my lunch break and I was sitting down...
I felt something weird... and I asked whether am I just being sensitive..
we all turned around and saw him staring at me! O.O!
T_T
Me: wow... that is awesome....
Christine:(ignoring me) and when I queue up to buy lunch.. his eyes kept following me...
and even when I was paying I peeked at him and he's still staring!
He stared at me for the whole hour!!
and he asked for Albert's number to get close to me..
and he sent him an sms...==
saying he wanna be friends with me and show me his picture!!
WHAT THE HELL?!
Me: wow... lol just don't care la its normal sometimes that these things happen..
Christine: apparently he's younger than us and he takes A level too..
Me: Oh that explains a lot..
except the way he looks like..
Christine: I'm never drinking sugar cane anymore...

16/4/2009...

OH MY GOD!!!
MY EGG CRACKED INTO PIECES!!!!
T_T

time of death..
1313...
place of death...
DK2.. or was it 3..
Murderer...
Alex L. himself ==

here's the story..
as we were having Physics lecture...
I was trying to concentrate on what the teacher is trying to teach...
and Ah How (a coursemate a.k.a rotten apple) asked for my egg to play with it because obviously its so darn cute..
after 5 minutes..
suddenly I heard him screaming "NOOOOO!!!"
and
"BLAK!"
O.O
uh oh...
and I turned... and everyone was pale as snow...
and we look down on the floor...
there it lay....
blood all over it...
"Oh my god!!"
"AHAHAHA"
"Nooooo! Our baby died"
"What the inFARCtion"?

Ah how looked at me..
bewildered and innocent looking...
and he explained that
while he was admiring and playing with it...
Alex just smash it out of his hand!
it flew with the accleration of 100km per hour and landed dead on the floor...
egg yolk spilled all over...

and that's the end of his story..
O.O

==


Goodbye my baby...
I'm so sorry you only had one day to live...
I thought we were gonna have you long...

Conclusion = I suck as a parent ==

15/4/2009.....

15/4/2009...
the day he was born...
the day we brought him into life..
and we promised to raise him..
and take good care of him...
and feed him and provide him with the best shelter...

our baby..
our hope...

on this date..
our GP lecturer, carried out an activity with the class
we were all asked to be in pairs and bring one egg
and act as parents
and take good care of the egg until next Monday
so we can learn and feel a little bit of how parenting at one part is like..
how time consuming it is..
because we must take it to school everyday and back...
and make sure it doesn't break...
and you guys know how fragile it is..

lol I didn't know about this at first,
so I just randomly picked someone..
and I got Matthew..
so I'm the wife==

anyway, we named it after our nice friend,
Alex L.
LOL
!
(my idea)
and then the guys of our gang named their children after girls linked to him..

well anyway, we decided to take turns taking it back home..
and make sure it doesn't get cracked..

so far so good ^^


this is its head from top view..the back view...
the face ^^and its ass...

Conclusion = I am sure we are good parents ^^

A day with Tine Tine and Alexander

What happens when you see and think of when you see this?



and this?

There can only be one thing in my mind..
and Christine's...
and my friends...
and Christine's friends.....

weird..
ANIME
BAMBOO
LEGS guy!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
@.@

lol
Once upon a time,
I was going back to my condo with Christine..
we were walking...
under her umbrella, under a hot, sunny day...
on our way towards the bus station...
in front of us..
there it was...
or he was... the guy with very thin legs.. and weird hair..
and weird face...
lol anyway, this was our conversation
A: How was your test ah?
C: Walao! I keep doing stupid mistakes==
A: Ai yo you can de la you so smart! ^^
C:What oh! You smarter than me ok?
A: ==
O.O eh you look in front... that guy de legs so damn thin...
like those anime creeps.. with weird weird legs... walao his legs so thin he dare to wear skinny pants?
C:Yea lo hor... AHAHAHAHAH
A: I dunno whether will I look like that when I wear them...
C: No la, your legs good looking enough what. Model ma~~ ^.*
A:==

Meanwhile
Animeboy : (in his mind) my legs are awesome~~
wow! that girl walking towards the bus stop is so hot!
I gotta get her phone no....so I can call her every hour in 15 minute intervals..
and make her my creep queen....
I'll make her wear my skinny pants... because it fit all legs...
except the guy beside her because he has better legs...but nevermind..
I will get my creep queen.....

(ok I made that up) -.-

anyway...we never made eye contact... both parties..


the next beautiful day...
C:OMG! you know what?! you remember that anime guy we stabbed his back with our evil, poison oozing words with? he asked my friend at the bus stand for my number after we got unto the bus! @.@
A: WHAT?! ==
WALIU!
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
C: ==
A: I cannot believe the guy we talked about behind his back... and criticise... turned out to show interest in you.. wow... that is such a coincidence....
C: yea lo....


(I'm breaking this up into a few parts... so you guys wont get tired reading..LOL)

WOOSH!

wow!
you know what?!
lol...
I am such a bitch ==
today my mood is so good and I am so happy right now,
not to say today is the happiest day of my life
but hey,
I guess I finally moved on from the past...
well some major problems I need to move on with..
so its a great achievement considering what happened..
but right now I'm talking so ambiguously and most of you guys wouldn't understand
but I tell you what,
be happy for me because I'm still living and I'm happy^^

for those who know,
I moved on !! :D

Today, I went to watch "He's Just NOT that into you" with a friend in The Gardens,
boy, this movie is very nice and its so wickedly funny
but I don't think this show are for most guys,
but,
if you ever experienced love in any form,
or you're those sensitive and sensible ones...
this movie you definitely can relate to...
haha
and having the cast with most A list stars
are just ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
there's like Scarlett Johansson, Bradley Cooper, Justin Long, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, jennifer Connelly,
and the rest of the cast are very funny,
the lines are so smart and totally true..
lol

but of course, there were some unnecessary scenes...
and I don't know why they censored the kissing scenes==

then I went to buy groceries...
and I got sick
==

I mean I got sick early in the morning due to exposure of low temperature...
T_T
so now my head is banging and I feel like dying
but hey,
I am happy because I had a great day today,
and I moved on,
the movie helped me in some ways...
lol

so...
now I wanna go back and sleep..
and pray..
tomorow gotta get back to schoolwork again..

Conclusion = The End of the world only will occur in 3 simple ways,
1. When you give up on yourself and life
2. When People are still ignorant about the environmental changes and global warming
3. When everyone goes to war.... and Apocalypse reallly is happening...
(this is what I can think of right now...)
so..
SAVE THE WORLD AND LOVE LOVE LOVE^^

dah cukup..