what now...

so my test 3 is over... 2 days ago...
so what now? fun? well right now I'm not really excited about the break...
got kinda emotional because of numerous factors...

well anyways... I've lost track of my high school friend's life...
and I don't know where to start...

am I really troubled emotionally and physically or is everyone going through the same thing as me... either this is puberty and raging hormones... all its just the dark inner world I'm living in and everything from the past, the present and the future I predict rolled into one ....

once again... I feel trapped...lost...confused... and haunted...
by myself.. time... emotions... people ... past present and future...
I hate myself... for what I am... and sometimes I do love myself... but that's when I thought there are people who love me too... for who I am... but I am actually not just an average guy....
I'm more than that... I think too much... but I cannot stop it... thinking the unnecessary and creating more chaos in my soul and making myself lost in the world that should have never existed...

Dark secrets I have... but other people do... and I know that there are more people out there... far more tragic than me... far more unfortunate...
but I am one of them too....
feeling so lost... and in deep torment...
yeah I know what you are thinking...
"this guy is pitiful"
"get over it"..."move on"..."be positive" blah blah blah...
tell me something I haven't heard of please...

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anyways, that was what how I felt yesterday... and almost everyday....
I stopped writing halfway, today is a Monday.... a morning... where I woke up like last time... greeted by birds... and I can sleep well again...
ah... I miss the holidays...

and the way my mood changes like a girl=.=

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!!

CONCLUSION= cause you're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no~~ you're in and you're out, you're up and you're down, you're wrong when its right, its black and its white,we fight we break up, we kiss , we make up~~~ LOL I love that song~~